There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?

Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.

I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.