The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.

If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?

A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?

I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.