An art thief is a man who takes pictures.

I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.

People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.

Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.

Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a longer one'.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?