Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.

I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.

I think it would be fair and right to use some of my land and wealth for a drug-rehab center or an Indian school.

Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.