I'm a believer that things happen. Fate is what happens.

Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.

Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality to it, but a joke is about surprising someone. I'm a great believer in context. You can joke about anything. I do like finding out where the line is drawn, deliberately crossing it and bringing some of them with me across the line, and having them be happy that I did.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.