How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?

On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.

I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.

Part of the pleasure of being alive is the knowledge that you're not dead yet.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.