I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Let's not have a double standard. One standard will do just fine.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Even in a fake democracy, people ought to get what they want once in a while.

Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.