You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky.

People can't seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a short pause before the next "horrifying" event. People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound "heals" it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, "Let the scarring begin.

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids

I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

Children should be taught to question everything . . . everything they read and everything they hear.

Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.