Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.

I like to say two things in life that mean the most: genetics and luck. When you look at it realistically, genetics is luck too. Because you could have been born in some really terrible situation and never had a chance to realize yourself or see who you were. And so the luck of genetics and then after that, circumstances, those are the two guiding things.

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind

If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.

The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.

If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church.