When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.

What I became a comedian for was to get my art out. To get some of these feelings and things I had on my chest out. I don't care if people believe them, listen to them, change their ways, or think, or any of that kind of crap. I'm interested in showing off. I'm the same kid from sixth grade who stood up and said "watch this."

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

If you dropped me off a space platform onto the ground where a line was drawn, I would fall to the left side of it. I believe the difference between right and left is that the right, for the most part, the bulk of their philosophy is interested in property, and the rights of people to own property and gain and acquire and keep property. And I think on the left - though they blend and mix - on the left primarily you will find people who are more concerned about humans, and the human condition, and what can be done.