Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.

I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice; you have owners. They own you. They own everything.

I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening.

The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.

Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.