The god excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.

What wine goes with Captain Crunch?

Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?

There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.

Christians worship a dead Jew on a stick

I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.