I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground.

If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election

If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?