There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
George CarlinWhen you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
George CarlinBy the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
George CarlinAs you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.
George CarlinThere are a lot of little things about our bodies that we all know, but we never talk about. That's what interests me. These are practically universal experiences; nobody mentions them! Some of them are disgusting. Some of them are appallingly revolting and degrading even to the most degenerate mind. So let's get started with a couple of them.
George Carlin