You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.

Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church.

In my neighborhood - West 121st Street in New York, "white Harlem" - there were only two drugs: smack and marijuana. By the time I was 13, some friends and I were using marijuana fairly regularly. The Reefer Madness myth was still very strong then, but I'd been into jazz and those lyrics included so many casual references to pot that it was completely demystified for me.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?