There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!

E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.

I don't vote. We're led to believe we're free through the exercise of ineffective freedoms.

I actually was a writer who had the ability to perform his own work as opposed to a comedian who wrote his own material. So that really made me happy and changed my whole perspective.

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?