Next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.'

There are a lot of little things about our bodies that we all know, but we never talk about. That's what interests me. These are practically universal experiences; nobody mentions them! Some of them are disgusting. Some of them are appallingly revolting and degrading even to the most degenerate mind. So let's get started with a couple of them.

She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

Have you noticed when you wear a hat for a long time it feels like it's not there anymore? And then when you take it off it feels like it's still there?

There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.

Hard work is for people short on talent.

What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.