I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.

I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.

If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.

Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!