Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations; he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.

Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.

Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.

Sex criminals. Completely incurable... I suppose you could outlaw religion and these sex crimes would disappear in a generation or two, but we don't have time for rational solutions.

You ever notice that? Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kind of hats. Keep an eye on that, it might be important.

If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a longer one'.