Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.

You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

The main reason women are crazy, is that men are stupid.

When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.

God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?