As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.

All music is the blues. All of it.

The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.

Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.