The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

I suspect there really was more to my accident than bad luck. I think it was God's way of punishing my nose.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

Sudden total weight loss.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?