The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.

If everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die...where does the sacred part come in?

You ever notice that? Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kind of hats. Keep an eye on that, it might be important.

The truth is, Pavlov's dog trained Pavlov to ring this bell just before the dog salivated.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.