There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.

Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.

I don't think drugs are a problem; I think they're a symptom. As long as Americans are empty, spiritually, emotionally, morally empty, they will need things like the drugs they choose to use. Mankind has wanted to change the way it felt from the beginning anyway. In this country there are even more reasons to want to feel different, to want to feel better, because this is such a neon sewer. This is such a degrading culture. It forces you to play Beethoven to your child in the uterus so that he will get into a better school and a better job and make more money so he can take care of you.

It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.