Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt

I have a lot of things [in me] that are childlike and innocent and sweet.

I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.

The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!