Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.

Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.

I don't think drugs are a problem; I think they're a symptom. As long as Americans are empty, spiritually, emotionally, morally empty, they will need things like the drugs they choose to use. Mankind has wanted to change the way it felt from the beginning anyway. In this country there are even more reasons to want to feel different, to want to feel better, because this is such a neon sewer. This is such a degrading culture. It forces you to play Beethoven to your child in the uterus so that he will get into a better school and a better job and make more money so he can take care of you.

It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.

The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.