Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.

You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.

A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street.

Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.

It was just a compulsion. In fact, I soon realized that the only thing I really enjoyed was the actual snorting.