If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

It was just a compulsion. In fact, I soon realized that the only thing I really enjoyed was the actual snorting.

The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.