I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.

I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .

I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.

Bullshit is truly the American soundtrack.

You don’t see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus’s, do you? No, you don’t see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? No, that might be something Christ would do.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?