One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.

Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows; there's just nothing special about their content.

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.

This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.