To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.

E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.

Religion - religion, at best - at BEST - is like a lift in your shoe. If you need it for a while, and it makes you walk straight and feel better - fine. But you don't need it forever, or you can become permanently disabled. Religion is like a lift in the shoe, and I say just don't ask me to wear your shoes. And let's not go down and nail lifts onto the natives' feet.

If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.