Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.

If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.

They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old fashioned, but I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport.

Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.

I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.

What wine goes with Captain Crunch?