If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.

If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.

I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes

If everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die...where does the sacred part come in?

I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.

My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.