Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.

Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.

In the United States, anybody can be President. That's the problem.

I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.

I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.

An entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself. An artist is on a journey: they don't know where they're going, what is going to happen, but they know they are not there yet, and there is some continuity and growth. I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.

My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me.