I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

I don't care much about the outcome. I'd like for people to feel better and have better lives, but I don't think that's in the cards through political action. I think bloodshed is still the way you get dramatic change. That'll never happen because they've got all the guns now. At least they've got the nice guns, the big ones, the ones with night vision.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label.

Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here.