Sometimes, after I'd gone at the coke like one of those snow plows moving up First Avenue, I'd think my heart was over on the dresser, pounding, and I was watching it. I asked some of the doctors who drifted through the intensive-care unit what kind of effect total cocaine abuse has on the heart and they said things like, "Well, there's not enough valid information...." That kind of answer.

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole.

Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.