In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

An entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself. An artist is on a journey: they don't know where they're going, what is going to happen, but they know they are not there yet, and there is some continuity and growth. I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons.

Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.