I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.

Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.

The god excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.

Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.

More people write poetry than read it.

You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.

It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.