When I was in seventh grade, I was caught stealing money from the visiting team's locker room during a basketball game. So I was sent to The Brothers. That's what they called this parochial school up in Goshen, New York. I was supposed to get closer supervision there and more "masculine influence," whatever that means. But I was thrown out for telling a couple of really lame kids on the playground that I had heroin.

I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.

I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.

Children should be taught to question everything . . . everything they read and everything they hear.

By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.