Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.

People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?

I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.