George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.

Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid.

It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?

I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.

They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.