I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes

I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.

I'm a believer that things happen. Fate is what happens.

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

The truth is, Pavlov's dog trained Pavlov to ring this bell just before the dog salivated.