There's a part of me that is angry. Not in the sense of, "Gee, George is an angry guy!" I mean, anyone who's been with me five minutes, five years, whatever, they would tell you they've rarely seen me in a moment of anger. Yes, I can become highly irritated in a line that's moving slowly, or with a clerk who's incompetent. But I don't yell. I don't get rude. I am clear about what I expect. In a store, my mother always told me, "Ask for the manager immediately. It changes the tone of the conversation."
George CarlinOne great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
George CarlinI kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
George CarlinThe other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George Carlin