I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.

My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.

I'm a believer that things happen. Fate is what happens.

I set out to become a comedian, and I said in order to do that the first thing I'll do is become a disc jockey and know my pop music. I like it, my voice is good, and I can start out getting confidence without an audience in front of me.

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons.

In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] "Look, they nearly missed!" "Yes, but not quite.