Bullshit is truly the American soundtrack.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.