Jesus was a cross-dresser.

It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like; generally, it's an inconvenience.

If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!