As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone, as we all are on the planet, after all. Every atom in us is originally from a star. And during my moments of aloneness, I'm most mindful of that; that I'm just another group of matter randomly but wonderfully arranged. That's when I feel my immortality.

Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself.

They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.