The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done".

I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.

I go to bed early; my favorite dream comes on at nine.

That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.

Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.