It's harder to be funny from the position of power.

If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, you'll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. You'll never see the black guys going, "Oh, golly! We won the big game today, yes sir!" But you'll see guys with red hair named Duffy going, "What's happenin'?"

My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?

The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.