Life is a near-death experience.

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

I don't really identify with America, I don't really feel like an American or part of the American experience, and I don't really feel like a member of the human race, to tell you the truth. I know I am, but I really don't. All the definitions are there, but I don't really feel a part of it. I think I have found a detached point of view, an ideal emotional detachment from the American experience and culture and the human experience and culture and human choices.

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper images of the garbage.

Regarding jam sessions: Jazz musicians are the only workers I can think of who are willing to put in a full shift for pay and then go somewhere else and continue to work for free.

Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.