It used to be cars had cool names: Dart, Hawk, Fury, Cougar, Firebird, Hornet, Mustang, Barracuda. Now we have Elantra, Altima, Acura, Lumina, Sentra, Corolla, Maxima, Tercel. Further proof that America has lost its edge.

Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.

Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations; he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.