Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.

Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision; it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it; you have a choice.

So I live in Los Angeles, and it's kind of a goofy place. They have an airport named after John Wayne. That ought to explain it. It has a charming kind of superstitious innocence.

I often wonder how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school.

I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

If voting changed anything, it would be illegal.